Lost-in-eyes-of-blue

Sometimes life overwhelms us. Depression sits on our chest and with clawed hands digs out the best parts of us. Its hard to breath when your lungs are gone and blood fills their place. Breathe. Just... Breathe. It shouldnt be this hard. But it is. Smile, laugh, be normal. No one wants to see the truth. Hold broken pieces in bleeding hands. Count them all one by one, Setting them back into place knowing they just wont stay. When all else fails: Smile.

The night falls quick and quiet. Around me, the world settles down for the night and my brain rises full of questions. This place we live in isnt what we thought it would be. Its worse. Its better. Perhaps its what we need. When I lie awake at night... I wonder if Im doomed. Too broken to ever truly fit beside someone else. My heart yearns but my brain ignores it. My reaching hands find only the distance I've created. The mind is a deadly weapon and its only target is myself. It leaves gaping wounds in my soul and picks at ones that should have healed. I tenderly put band-aids over the cracks, pretending to be ok but all I want to do i

Sometimes we lose ourselves. In the darkness its hard to hold on, fear gets the best of us and our palms get sweaty. I tried. I tried so hard. So tell me... Why wasnt it enough? Why wasnt I strong enough to hold on? Why did it have to slip away so easily? I thought they said that things would get better. But when? When will things improve because Im still at the bottom of this hill and Im sliding back. There is only so much I can do. The pieces of myself are slipping away. I don't know what to do anymore. I need help. But when I look up, Im alone. People come closer but I push them away. I dont need their lies and for them to pretend.

I cant open the door anymore, All who pass through it take a piece There is nothing left to give, you've taken it all. Why do I bother? I know how it starts, And I most certainly know how it ends. Why do I bother? You're only going to hurt me like everyone else. Please dont lie to me, and dont lie to yourself. Please. You say you wont hurt me, that all you want is to make me happy but how easily you break your promises. I have shed so many tears for you-- do you even care? Oh lord, why do I want you to care? I banish you. From my life. From my thoughts. From my heart. Be gone from me. Just...just go. Dont look back, dont spare me a

In the grand scheme of things, We are alone. I have no idea why I had allowed myself to think I might be different. The shower water burns hot, Leaving my skin red. Hidden in my chest My rib cage fills with the pain my heart cant take, too greedy to let it go completely, too cracked and broken to successfully hold it all in. Why was I so stupid? How could I have let this happen? This always happens. I should have known. I should have known. I should have known! Why did I let this happen? How could I have let this happen? The water starts to run cold, And the pain freezes in place. My heart quivers and stills. The hurt it feels cant r

I cant. I cant be happy. I cant smile and feel it upon my face. I cant do the things I love without staining them. Sorrow colors me blue And pain washes me in red. The sea calls my name and sorrow holds me down, painting me a pale mimic of the ocean blue. The waves whisper to me, reminding me of better days. Today is grey with me a blue. The blue of being lost in a world where you were meant to be happy. Red stains the water And hurt floods in, stealing away the blue that lingers. Being alone hurts more then you know, hurts so bad it becomes an almost physical ache. I cant. I cant feel this anymore. Its killing me. Surely it is killin

Never have I felt more alone. I say Im fine but never has that been more of a lie then it is now. You dont understand because you're too wrapped up in each other to see the tears I cry. You're blind to the lie of my smile, You could never see the hurt I feel. Not when you stand facing each other and seeing nothing else. Never have I felt more alone. I say Im fine but its a lie. Im reaching for a hand to hold But there is no one for me to reach out to. The tears fall and my breathing shudders But it does me no good because this release of anguish only makes room for more to come flooding in. I AM NOT FINE! Stop asking me to pretend o